Looking at the calendar today, it completely shocks me that I have been here for almost 7 weeks. That is a week longer than the first time I was here. I feel like last time every moment was packed with me running around visiting families, meeting new people, working with teams. It was a time of growth, a time of stretching, and a time for God to really pour into me and show me that this is what He has planned for me. This time around it has been the same, yet different. Many things are the same, we still work with many of the same families, I am still meeting new people, working with many of the same missionaries, being stretched, growing, seeking God. But it's not the same. This time I'm here a lot longer, and looking for that feeling of home. I have more time to myself and to spend time just me and God. I feel like I'm actually settling into this new place, and the people around me. I'm seeking God on how to accept living in a different country away from my closest friends and my dear family. Trying to find a balance on how to be completely here, yet staying involved in the states. This is not an easy thing to do. And I'm not saying I've perfected it, but after the initial struggles I am seeking God and I have His peace.
Some of you may know that my Great Grandmother past away this week. Her funeral was yesterday. I was concerned this may happen and had been praying about this very thing before I left Oklahoma. Of course it was hard not to be there to see her, to kiss her soft cheek, or whisper that I love her one last time, but most of all it was hard for me not to be there for my family. When thinking about this I realized that my role in my family is to love on everyone. I believe that is one of the greatest spiritual gifts God has blessed me with. Wanting to love on people. I so badly wished I could be there to hug everyones necks, and to tell them all that I love them. Just to show them a smile and remind them how much I care about them. While I was struggling with this I felt God tugging at my heart. I could feel Him telling me that this is one of my roles here. He has sent me here to love on His people who do not get the loving that they need.
So many of the families here need someone to show them that they are worth something. They need reminding that God loves them, and that is the main reason we are all here, to show them God's love. Last Saturday night the youth group at Celebration Church held a concert hoping to reach more of the youth here in Alajuelita. Several of the families from the church attended as well. One of them has a sweet little girl, Rosa. She's about 3 I think. I've seen and played with this little girl several times before, but Saturday night was different. As soon as I walked into the church and was greeting everyone, Rosa ran up to me and wouldn't let go. We danced to the music as she held my hand. Eventually we sat down to watch one of the skits and she jumped up onto my lap. All this little girl wanted was for me to hold her. She laid back against me and continued to hold my hand. I was playing with her hair as I was praying for her. She comes from a family with 4 other brothers and sisters. She is the next to youngest and has all older brothers who usually get all of the attention when we bring teams into her neighborhood to play. As I was talking to God about her I could just tell she needed to be loved on. She wanted to cuddle and then wanted to turn around and play with my face. I know that sounds silly but it was one of the sweetest moments I have experienced while being here.
God is constantly showing me why He has sent me here. Every missionary here has told stories of questioning why they are here or not really feeling like they are making a difference at times. The enemy is always trying to pull us down and make us feel useless. I have been very blessed to not go through this yet. But God has provided me in advance with weapons to push back into Satan's face when he tries to clam such lies. A couple weeks ago a new team arrived and Laine and I took them to the park to do a scavenger hunt. We made a list of about 10 things for each group to do like- pray for families, pick up trash, pass out fliers for the church, do a random good deed. After breaking into the different groups I passed out the list to someone in each group. This is something I did without even thinking about it. I hadn't prayed who I should give the list too, or really ever thought it would make a difference. God had a plan though. After the groups completed their list I had asked what they had thought about it and if they felt out of their comfort zone. Of course talking to people who do not speak your language is very uncomfortable, asking a complete stranger if you can pray over them or their child is even further from being comfortable. The team shared their stories and how awesome it had been to see how open people here are to having God be poured into them and how patient everyone was with us trying to talk to them. After this we started walking to a near by neighborhood to visit some families and play with some kids. On the way there I was walking in the back of the group, where I tend to enjoy being so I can see that everyone is still together. One of the Dad's in the group started walking with me. He started telling me how he's usually a follower and doesn't tend to lead very well. That he had planned on just going along with the scavenger hunt but not really participating in talking to people and letting everyone else experience it. This was his plan until I handed him the sheet and decided he would be the their team leader. It amazed me while he was talking to me that God used something so little, thoughtless, seemingly unimportant to really speak to someone. God using this to push him out of his comfort zone and really using this man in ways he was never expecting to be used. He and I had several conversations during his time here and he confided in me how much of a difference he thought I had made in him during this trip. He believes God really used me to open him up and that it had brought him closer to God. I am not sharing this story to brag upon myself. This was non of my doing. I wanted to share it to show how amazing God is. That he uses us in seemingly small ways to impact people for His glory. This is an experience that will always be close to my heart. Anytime the enemy tries to pursued me that I'm not impacting peoples lives, I am sure God will whisper this reminder to me.
Heavenly Father, I want to thank you for my time here. Thank you for allowing me to be used for Your glory. Thank you for sharing the hearts of Your people, for changing lives, and loving us all so much. Thank you for Your spiritual gifts You have personally picked out for each of us. Thank you for blessing me with so many amazing people to share this experience with. Thank you for Your love, mercy and grace. Lord I pray for the people here, that their hearts are opened to Your word and Your love. I pray that you continue to send teams down who want to serve in Your name and have Your love flowed out to others through them. I pray for the children here who do not have the love they need. I pray You continue to put people in their lives to show them how precious they are to You. I pray for my family God, as they continue through life without me there. I pray they are constantly seeking You through their struggles. I pray You continue to push me out of my comfort zone, and continue to stretch me into the person You need me to be. I pray Lord, that You continue to break my heart for what breaks Yours. Amen.
